Part 8 – Dain-Bramaged

Eight

Brain- Damaged

Brain- Damaged

After I was moved to rehab, Jeff brought my laptop up. I’m thankful for Facebook. I know.. fb is what it is, but God used it and I’m thankful. So from here on out, I’m just gonna share some of the posts that I made and make some comments on them. I’m leaving the typos in. I actually texted the first few on my phone, and later typed the rest. Texting and typing were both skills I had to relearn. It was very slow-going with my “dain-bramage”. But now, almost 4 months later it’s back to pretty much normal- which really only means that the typos happen faster now. 😉

Facebook posts:

Dec 1, 2014
This is Jeff. Just letting you know that Mary had a mild stroke. Please keep us in your prayers. She will not be on here for a while. You can contact me on here or text me for more info. Thanks again for your prayers.

The avalanche of responses, which I was to read later, truly warmed my heart. Thank you to each one who prayed for us and commented or messaged me.

Dec 3, 2014
You know there’s something wrong when your husband only loves u cuz of handicap parking which you represent. 😛 jk

Dec 4, 2014
I have an OCD hand that like to not let go of things now. Nothin like having to wrestle yourself free from yourself. 😛

We would later come to call my hand “rebel” for it truly did what it wanted to do. It was disconcerting to me at times. Often we laughed, sometimes til we cried, about its antics and idiosyncrasies. I came to name my bad right foot/leg “stumpy” too, although it wasn’t as full of character as my hand. lol.

Dec 5, 2014
I’m learning.

Oops my ocd hand sent that : p. I meant to send I’m learning there’s a whole grieving process for stroke victims. Yet how can call myself A victim? I die daily. To me to self to how I want things. That sounds brave. Its not. Its just true. Utterly true.

Dec 5, 2014
Me: this ocd hand likes my face.
Jeff: could be worse it could like to scratch your bottom or pick your nose
Lol

Dec 6, 2014
I die daily. The Lord keeps emphasizing that verse to me. That and 1Cor15:36 -that which u sow does not come to life unless it dies…

Dec 6, 2014
Stroke is a death. They sayyou gothru a process of greif like in a loss. I feel happy tonight Bcuz w death there is resurrection. Gods showing me that thru this awfully frustrating situation.

God had me in 1 Corinthians before the stroke. So when Jeff brought my bible up, I started where I’d left off: chapter 15. That chapter is all about death and resurrection. His timing is amazing. He truly knows what we need before we need it. He’s truly Living Water, and I drank and drank from Him in this passage. He knows what’s going to happen in our lives before we get there, and has it mapped out. No need to worry, no need to work it. Just trust Him and go with it. He’s there before you ever get there.

Dec 7, 2014
Yes. 2 Cor 4:7-10. Manifest your Life in me.

When a person becomes a Christian they die with Christ. It’s a done deal. We have been crucified with Christ. Past tense. We’re dead. So to be faced with walking in that death so that He can be His life in us… should not come as a surprise.

Dec 8, 2014
For being all abt health they don’t know nuthin’ abt health…. just sayin…

(For more on my thoughts about this read: here)

Dec 9, 2014
Been readin the bible out loud to help w speech therapy. That’s probly the hardest. When people hear me talk. Stuttery. Slowly. But its ..Still me. I’m still in here. Hidden in Christ. Safe. Loved.

This was after the visit from the psychiatrist.

Dec 10, 2014
Slept good for the first time since being in rehab! Feels nice : )

Sleep was SUCH an issue! A lot of it was a different bed and having to sleep on my back all the time which I not how I normally get comfortable. But a lot of it had to do with the nurses coming in at night. Some would talk to me. And some of them would cite the “rules” and turn on all the lights! No offence, but this does not help one sleep…. 🙁 It set the stage for having insomnia problems after I got home too.

Dec 10, 2014
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. -james

Dec 11, 2014
they’ll be here for therapy soon. had me up walking w a cane yesterday. felt like i was tipping over.

Dec 11, 2014
amazing how many people eat at Wendy’s which is across the street from my window.

Dec 11, 2014
is this God’s judgment on me?
did I do something wrong?
is God punishing me?
i don’t have that sense in this…
tho some might think so.
God’s spent the last few years ridding
me of ‘religion”.
does this have to do w that?
maybe.
i only know nothing feels real right now,
but i know i absolutely
need HIM
to be a LIVING God
right now
dont get me wrong..
im not in doubt
just numb.
it’s surreal.

That surreal feeling comes and goes even now. Brain damage. Part of my brain fried, died, and fused itself. Is this really me? Is this really happening to me? Am I really having to use a walker and relearn to walk and think and function? Is this really me going through this? And how will “I” turn out after it’s all over? What will “I” be like when I’m finally well?

Go to Part Nine

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *